I had to google “Amy Sedaris” after her high-speed appearance on the show. She twisted and spun in the plain grey chair while she and the host filled heavy air with garbage that floats. I thought she was the girl from Comedy Central’s “Stranger’s with Candy” and, it turns out, she was. My wife hadn’t heard of that show. She was more impressed with Amy’s role in “Maid in Manhatten.”
Letterman, meanwhile, was somber and direct, like a funeral home director who’s already been paid. Amy wasn’t working on new movies, selling books, or doing shows. She came on Letterman to chat. It left Dave without a crutch.
“Does it bother you that I have nothing to push?” asked Amy in a rare unspastic moment.
“Sometimes I feel like a movie industry whore,” answered Dave. “You know how much I care about the movie King Kong? Zero. Zip. Nada.”
Dave’s show won’t be on much longer. Frankly, nobody cares about that either.
Me, Otis, and CJ
Not too long ago we all worked at one place. Actually, we all worked in one cramped windowless office. There was a half-wall dividing the room in half with a glass window embedded. One of our friends decorated the window with fabric from a now defunct textile mill, he made curtains and stuff, to make it feel more like home.
When they were here we all hald important jobs. CJ was a sbobet with some degree of authority. Brad was one of our most respected field reps. I was one of the trademark brands.
Then CJ left around Christmas a few years back. It was hard losing a friend and the office worried about how we’d replace such a competent man. Otis left in February, one of our most important months, a few years after that. Again, there was a big party and much gnashing of teeth. What would we do without Otis?
The answer of course?
Absolutely nothing changed. Work went on the day after they left. It went on before they arrived. Now with a new crop of fresh faces, each younger than the last, both have been relegated to “Remember that guy?” among the older crew.
Now if the UFP boys could really dream big we’d make a mark that you couldn’t erase. I think we’d all like that WSOP bracelet. Otis has the best chance of getting it, but CJ is usually a favorite when statistically down. I have no chance at all, but I can still dream.
To most poker players the WSOP is that ultimate vindication for millions of hours worked. Cash game players generally snarl about the poor players in big tournaments, but how many of the great cash players can you name? Tournaments are for immortality.
Johhny Moss won 3 Main Events. It’s odd, but I think his first was most impressive. Unlike the modern event, Johnny played a few days in 1970, and then his peers… the best players in the world… VOTED him the winner. Johnny was the best player there because… he was the best player there… and everyone knew it. How’s that for “respect”?
Funny thing is, with all the poker I’ve played, I hadn’t ever called the “Ace-10” a Johnny Moss. Wikipedia says that’s what most players do, in his honor. I usually call Ace-10 off… “an unplayable hand in most positions”.
Usually, at a local game I do hear someone call the “Ten-2” a “Brunson”. I don’t think Brunson is considered a more legendary player, I think its because all the new players today have seen Doyle on TV. Once Doyle fades, like Johnny did in the 90’s, I wonder if anyone will play 10-2 anymore. I will, but only because I’m loose.
I think the “Late Show” will just find another host, maybe that Scottish guy with the show on after. I remember watching Carson as a kid, especially back in the mid ’80s with a black and white TV I had in my room. It was 5 or 6 years after I first saw “Tonight” that I realized his curtain was a rainbow of color. I used to think it was great, especially watching the same movie-pimping stars Dave now regrets.
Letterman was, as you know, on after Carson. I thought he was even better. I loved Larry “Bud” Melman, Biff the Stage Manager (still funny by the way), and over time, I got used to Paul. The “Top Ten” was alway ironically funny, in a way I understood as a kid. It was funny because it was supposed to be funny and absolutely never was. I love it.
On our last trip to Vegas, I started singing variations of the “will it float?” song. These days it’s the bit my wife and I most enjoy. The song is great too. Nobody got the joke. They would have laughed if they did because I’m incredibly funny.
Dave still records 5 shows a week but I can tell he’s tired. His dry humor is whetted by unhappy observation. Last week he went nuts on Bill O’Reilly. I’m not saying Dave was wrong to jump on his hatemonger guest. I just think he’d have made it FUNNY a few years ago. It just seemed sad.
He won’t be around soon, and just like Johnny we’ll eventually forget him too. I mean, we’ll remember he existed and was really good for awhile, but we’ll forget about HIM. Likewise, I know Ed Sullivan was a big deal, as a matter of history, but I’ve never seen the show. I know Babe Ruth was great at baeball but I never saw him swing.
You get the drift. Once they make a 50 greatest players of all time list in the world of poke or baseball or TV talk show comedy… 75% to 90% of the list will come from people in the last 25 years. The voters still remember them.
There is a sort of meaninglessness to our lives, you’ll have to admit that regardless of your religious faith. I wonder if my poker play will ever take me anywhere, even if I am notable for being “THE WORST PLAYER ALIVE”. Once I drop dead, someone else will claim that title and all its international glory.
But here’s where it all became clear, in the form of a nutball caller at my place of work.
As many of you know, I work in a building that, in part, rebroadcasts network programming to the people of G-Vegas and beyond. This week, as in many, others, we served as a much hated surrogate.
In the past I’ve been cursed for a bad joke on “The Family Guy.” I tried to tell the caller that the show WAS ON ANOTHER STATION. It’s on FOX and we’re NBC. She didn’t care. She called me a hateful bastard for allowing the show to air.
Remember that great Notre Dame/USC football game this year? It was on NBC too. It also went longer than expected which caused the show to run over… god forbid… into the “Pre-Race warmup show” before the next NASCAR race. One guy called 7 times to tell me how much that pissed him off. I patiently explained 6 times that its a network decision and no one in G-Vegas has any control over NBC sports. The 7th time I told him, “We hate NASCAR and we hate you!”
So this week the network with which we’re affiliated is airing the new, and really not very good, “Book of Daniel”. The calls started from Christians, who of course hadn’t seen the show, which of course hadn’t aired yet, and christ were they pissed. We got 1,000 e-mails this week.
So tonight, Saturday, the TV guide said we’d air it again. I don’t know why, but the TV guide got it wrong. It aired Friday and that’s when it will air again. Nevertheless people called about it. Here’s the one I really enjoyed,
Caller: Yeah, I thought that Devil show was on tonight!
Me: Yeah, the listing is wrong. I’m sorry about that.
Caller: Well that’s just Bull****!
Me: Sir, I don’t know why that happened. But are you calling to complain about the show?
Caller: Hell Yes! That G**Damn show is the last F****** straw for good Christian people! I want it off the air.
Me: Well sir, it’s not on the air tonight.
Caller: That’s why I’m calling. I wanted to see it.
Me: Excuse me?
Caller: I wanted to make a list of people to boycott and I can’t see who sponsors it if it isn’t on.
Me: Totally uncontrolable laughter.
Now folks, this guy called to complain that a show he didn’t want to watch wasn’t on because he wanted to watch it so he could protest the people who put it on. Bless his heart!
Thing is, this guy, I call him “caller,” won’t make much of a name for himself with his silly little effort. I doubt the advertisers are too concerned about his boycott. But this guy is pissed off, not about the show, but because he has nothing to be pissed off about. He lives to be pissed off.
This year, I will play less poker online because what I really want to live for is my family. My kids will grow up fast and I need to enjoy every moment. I won’t be the dad too busy with entertainment to enjoy his own kids.
This year, I promise to pay more attention to the people I play. Not because I haven’t used them to my advantage, but because I think even the players who aren’t very good can make my game better. I have much to learn.
This year, I plan to keep very careful statistics on my live play money. I won quite a bit last year but couldn’t tell you a number. Worse still, I kept mingling my poker money with the family funds. This was probably very good for the family funds, but it murdered my bankroll. I used most of my Vegas profit to pay for Christmas. Actually, I don’t regret that.
One more thing…
I will put a small percentage of my winnings aside to build a “Disney” fund. Within the next 12 months, poker is taking my family to Disneyworld.
Finally, I quit smoking. I haven’t had one in 3 weeks. This will be the year that adds decades to my life.…